Sam's Memorial

Yesterday we had a memorial for Sam and interned his ashes at the Memorial Garden at church.  It was just our little family (me & Ryan) and Pastor Jim.  I’m very thankful that we have such a special place for Sam and he can be in the same place as his grandmom.  It is beautiful there this time of year.  The grass is green and all the trees are just getting buds on them.  I was worried because it was supposed to rain, but it ended up being a beautifully warm sunny spring day. 

My Pap made sure to make his presence known.  There were birds chirping the entire time we were in the garden.  One bird in particular stayed on the same tree branch overlooking the garden the entire time and even a cardinal stopped by.  When I was growing up he used to always watch the birds outside his living room window that would stop by his many homemade bird feeders.  He always had his bird book and binoculars handy in case there was a bird he didn’t recognize and would always point out which one was which to me.  To this day I still can’t pick out birds, but I still liked looking out the window with him.  I know he is telling Sam all about the birds up in Heaven and even still cursing out the pesky squirrels and chipmunks trying to eat the bird food.  I imagine the chipmunks and squirrels are just as mischievous in Heaven.  I hope Sam enjoys it as much as I did.

I have always struggled with my faith, but lately more than ever I believe there is a Heaven.  Yesterday, a lot of the things Pastor Jim said to us stuck with me.  From the moment we lost Sam I always believed that I will get to see him again someday in Heaven, but hearing Pastor Jim say those words yesterday meant a lot.  He said that someday, when I get to Heaven that I will immediately know who Sam is and Sam will know his momma.  Also, for the first time I didn’t feel a fear of death.  I don’t have a particular reason why, I guess it’s just the experience of going through this loss.   I don’t plan on leaving this world anytime soon, there are too many things to do and too many people I love here, but I do believe that there is a life after this one.  A life with out pain hurt and tears.  A place full of light, love and happiness.  I know Sam is living that life right now in Heaven.

Sam - We hope you are happy and feel loved.  We hope you are enjoying getting to know your Grandmom, Great-Grandpap, Great-PopPop and all of your angel baby friends.  We hope you are playing, laughing and learning new things everyday.  We love you very much and send lots of hugs and kisses to Heaven just for you.

Love –

Mommy & Daddy