1st Wedding Anniversary

The biggest thing I have learned from my first year of marriage is that sometimes things are totally out of your control.  Never in a million years did I think Ryan and I would face such devastating loss in our first year of marriage.  We planned to start trying to conceive in the Fall when Ryan was almost finished with his MBA program.  Much to our surprise and delight we got pregnant with Sam right away.  All of our dreams were coming true.  Ryan was about to complete his MBA, we were enjoying our newlywed life in the city and we were getting ready to start looking for our family home in the suburbs.  

In February, life threw us a major curve ball.  The loss of Sam has changed us both.  As much as I could go back in time and do something to save Sam, to keep his little heat beating the experience of losing him has made us stronger.  We are stronger individually and stronger as a couple.  We are both better people for having those 5 short months with Sam.  He will always be our first, he will always be in our hearts and we will miss him everyday for the rest of our lives.  

Sometime grief can overshadow the good in life.  It becomes all consuming and you can easily get lost in it.  I know sometimes on here it can seem like I don’t see the good in life, but I do.  Aside from losing Sam this year, we have been very blessed.  We celebrated our wedding day with all our family and friends on a beautiful day.  We traveled to Palm Beach for our “mini-moon”, relaxed at the pool and enjoyed our time together.  Ryan traveled to Russia and Durham for school.  We got to enjoy our yearly trip to Myrtle Beach with the family.  We had the joy of seeing that little pink line telling us we were going to be parents.  We felt total happiness in sharing our news with our family and friends over the holidays that we were starting our family.  We were blessed with the overwhelming amount of love and support of all of our family and friends over the past 4 months after losing Sam.  Most recently we purchased our very first home where I have faith that we will on day get to raise Sam’s little brothers and/or sisters here.

I am very blessed to have found such a loving, supportive and caring husband.  There is no one else I would want to walk through this messy life with.